Scene from 'Counselling' episode featuring Michael and Toby
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The 25 Best Michael Scott Quotes About Toby

Somewhere. Some time. At some place, Toby Flenderson did something terrible to Michael Scott. What it is, or what happened, might remain one of the great mysteries of The Office (along with the identity of the Scranton Strangler). But what we do know is that Toby will forever be persona non grata, enemy number one at Dunder Mifflin.

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Here’s to all of the times Michael made his feelings about Toby well known!

  1. Michael: Today is Toby Flenderson’s last day. I couldn’t sleep last night, I came in extra early. So much energy. There are certain days that you know you will remember for the rest of your life. And I just have a feeling that today is one of those days.
  2. Michael: [whispering to camera] So here we go. Just a matter of hours now until his horribleness has left the building. I’m going to set my watch alarm… and.. [watch beeps].
  3. Michael: Thanks to Toby, I have a very strong prejudice against Human Resources. I believe that the department is a breeding ground for monsters. What I failed to consider though, is that not all monsters are bad.
  4. Michael: Toby has been cruisin’ for a bruisin’ for 12 years, and I am now his cruise director, and my name is Captain Bruisin’.
  5. Michael: Can I just say that of all the idiots, in all the idiot villages, in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend.
  1. Michael: This is the worst! You are the worst. I hate looking at your face. I wanna smash it!
  2. Michael: Okay. You son of a gun. You son of a bitch. Wow, okay.
  3. Michael: You are the silent killer, go back to the annex.
  4. Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
  5. Michael: Toby now has the floor. And he is going to try not to screw this up like everything left in his life.
  1. Michael: This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.
  2. Michael: Why are you here? I didn’t even invite you to my birthday party.
  3. Michael: Welcome back, jerky, jerk-face.
  4. Michael: You said you were leaving and you made liars out of all of us.
  5. Michael: Yes you did and then you came back. Which makes you the biggest liar of… history.
  1. Michael: Do you want to hear a lie?
    Toby: What?
    Michael: I think you’re great. You’re my best friend.
  2. Michael: You are going to be sleeping by yourself for the rest of your life so you should just get used to it.
  3. Michael: David, wait.
    David: No.
    David: Is there no way we can get rid of him?
    David: Not without cause, Michael.
    Michael: I have cause. It’s because I hate him.
    David: You have to get along with Toby.
    Michael: No, I don’t.
  4. Michael: I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail.
  5. Michael: No one asked you anything ever, so whomever’s name is Toby, why don’t you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull.
  1. Michael: Toby is in HR. Which, technically means he works for corporate so he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced so he’s really not a part of his family.
  2. Michael: This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.
  3. Michael: Who let the lemon head into the room? You are a waste of life and should give up.. is what I want to say but I won’t because that is why we are doing this right now. So Toby welcome to sensitivity training for real.
  4. Michael: If you had any friends, you would understand. Friends joke with one another. “Hey, um.. you’re poor.” “Well hey, your mom is dead.” That’s what friends do. It’s.. you’re so white.
  5. Michael: Never. I want him gone, I don’t talk until he leaves.

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